Definition of a household agreement: structures or rules or agreements or norms or organization for how the household works.
- A prerequisite to be a coop house is to have household agreements for how to do things together
- It is common for people who have never lived in group living situations to think that it isn’t necessary to have household agreements for how to live together and that people can all chip in and contribute as they see fit. Unfortunately this setup fails as soon as conflicts emerge.
- Ideally they are good, clear, carefully designed, and constructed
- Standard Household Agreements:
- Weekly (or bi-weekly) house meetings
- Clear decision making process (often consensus based)
- Household chores (rotation or fixed)
- Cooking
- Shopping
- Expense sharing & budgeting
- The number of household agreements needs to be proportional to how many housemates there are to keep things going smoothly. More housemates – more household agreements.
- It’s harder to keep verbal or informal agreements the more people are involved.
- All household agreements that are intended to be ongoing should be written down.
- Expectations and behaviors tend to shift or evolve over time, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it is important to be able to look back at precisely what was previously decided by the group to best inform how to move forward.
- A good household agreement for a coop is one that everyone accepts AND follows through with enthusiasm or at least a minimal amount of grumbling.
- The best-thought-out household agreement isn’t good if everyone doesn’t agree to it or follow through with it.
- Household agreements that create automated situations where housemates talk to each other, like dinners and meetings, are crucial.
- Problems arise when there is little human interaction
- The question should never be IF there will be a gathering of housemates the question should always be WHEN
- Balance investing time and energy into these independent and important factors
- “Hard” issues – Task functions – Practicalities
- “Soft” issues – Maintenance functions – Relationships
- Many coops set aside a certain amount of each meeting or a certain number of meetings a month for maintaining or addressing “soft” issues such as social connection/processing.
- Conflicts over household chores, more often than not, are actually about something completely unrelated, typically about another housemate or the house in general so look into that before changing the household agreements.
- Partners and parents with children should be treated as multiple individuals and not lumped together
- Patriarchy, traditional sex roles, and devaluation of children can occur if the house groups partners or parents with children together when creating household agreements.
- Household agreements should be perceived as fair. They don’t have to be equal. Equity over equality.
- Equality is a subjective measurement anyhow so it is actually an unachievable ideal anyway.
- Housemates holding attitudes of good faith that household agreements will be equitable in the long run is very important.
- Explore if the household agreements around chores and responsibilities can be designed such that housemates have opportunities to contribute in ways they enjoy.
- Household agreements should both facilitate tasks being done and keeping people happy.
- A way to start out with a base set of chores is to divide a brainstormed list of chores by most frequent versus least frequent and divide equally.
- Written household agreements for money related subjects can reduce conflict when issues inevitably arise.
- Household agreements for household chores – An example
- You know it’s a good structure when everyone FEELS like the chores are being done. E.g. the house feels reasonably clean. This tends to mean that some people might have to clean a bit more than they are used to.
- One metric for house cleanliness: no one feels embarrassed when guests come over
- Two main categories of chore household agreements:
- Fixed systems allow people get used to a chore and get efficient & routinized. Fairness is a concern as jobs are inevitably not equally as hard.
- Rotating systems are inherently fair as everyone gets an equal turn however it doesn’t allow housemates to do the chores they are good at or like doing as much.
- Any structure that reduces potential for resentment is good.
- Household agreements that reduce necessary decisions are good. Decisions use up peoples’ time and energy which adds to their coop frustration quota, which is a super measurable quantity that should not be exceeded.
- Household agreements for meetings, dinners, and outings aren’t the only way to get together with housemates – allow for spontaneous time together too!
- Living together is an art, not a science. Live a little and don’t stress out too much about creating the best or optimal set of household agreements 🙂
When developing household agreements refer to the Coop Maintenance page.